When your partner shares exciting news, how do you respond?
Do you mirror their excitement and join in the celebration — or do you simply listen, distracted and half-hearted, dampening the mood without realizing it?
Communication is one of the most crucial elements in any relationship.
How we listen and respond to our partners can make or break the emotional connection — strengthening the bond or slowly eroding it.
Researchers have identified four responding styles commonly seen in relationships. Let’s look at these with an example.
The Scenario
Susie has been job-hunting for months. One day, she comes home thrilled and tells her husband, Josh, that she’s finally landed a great opportunity.
How Josh reacts will fall into one of these four response styles:
1. Active Constructive
Josh listens attentively, maintains eye contact, and expresses genuine enthusiasm and support.
He might say, “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you. Tell me all about it — we should celebrate tonight!”
This style shows presence and excitement. It enhances joy, builds trust, and strengthens the emotional bond.
2. Active Destructive
Josh reacts by focusing on the negatives or potential problems.
He might respond, “Oh… but what about the kids? How will we manage things now?”
Although concerns may be valid, bringing them up immediately can deflate the partner’s excitement. Susie feels unheard, unsupported, and discouraged.
3. Passive Constructive
Josh responds positively, but without much energy or attention.
Perhaps he stays focused on his laptop and says, “Oh, that’s nice. Good for you.”
While not harmful, it still fails to communicate genuine engagement or shared happiness.
4. Passive Destructive
Josh ignores the moment entirely and continues working, showing little to no reaction.
Susie feels invisible and disheartened — and may hesitate to share good news in the future.
The Healthiest Style: Active Constructive
Active Constructive responses create warmth, joy, and closeness. They validate your partner’s emotions and amplify positive experiences.
To build this habit:
• Maintain eye contact and put distractions away
• Offer verbal enthusiasm (“That’s wonderful!” “I’m so proud of you!”)
• Ask curious, open-ended questions such as:
• “How did you feel in that moment?”
• “Who was the first person you told?”
• “What was the interviewer’s reaction?”
These small actions help your partner relive their happiness — and strengthen your connection in the process.
💬 When we celebrate each other’s moments fully, we don’t just share joy — we multiply it.