"I want to complete my PhD in the next two years.”
“I am getting married.”
“I want to join a fitness class.”
“In the next six months, I want to increase my revenue significantly.”
We often hear people — and perhaps ourselves — speak in the language of goals. Goals can be energizing. They give us direction, structure, and something to move toward. We invest our time, energy, and resources into achieving the short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals we set.
Sometimes we reach them and feel proud, satisfied, accomplished. And sometimes, life happens. Unexpected hurdles appear. Plans shift. And we are left feeling frustrated or disheartened.
But here is a gentle pause worth taking:
How often do we reflect on the values we want to live by while pursuing these goals — and even after achieving them?
For instance, wanting to have a baby is a goal. Choosing to be a patient, emotionally present, and kind parent reflects values. Closing a business deal is a goal. Doing so with honesty, openness, and integrity reflects values.
So perhaps the question is not which one matters more — goals or values — but what happens when we focus only on goals and lose touch with our values?
Let me share a simple image. Imagine two children excitedly heading to an amusement park. One child is completely fixated on reaching the destination. The other child is also excited to reach there — but along the way, they are laughing, noticing things outside the window, enjoying the journey. Now imagine the car gets a flat tire and the trip cannot continue.
Who is likely to feel more disappointed?
Most of us would say the first child.
In many ways, this is how life unfolds for us too. When we stay connected with our values, the journey itself begins to hold meaning. Even during seasons when goals are delayed, paused, or reshaped, values remain available to us.
Research consistently shows that living in alignment with our values is strongly associated with greater psychological well-being.
If you notice that you have been feeling a little disconnected or “off track,” it might not always be about pushing harder toward goals. Sometimes, it is an invitation to gently reconnect with what truly matters to you. Values are like an inner compass. They reflect our heart’s deeper intentions; the kind of person we want to be in the world, in our relationships, and with ourselves.
If you would like to explore this further, you may find it helpful to review the Values Checklist developed by Dr. Russ Harris as part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
⬇️Access the Values Checklist here
How to get the Most Out of the Happiness Trap Book
As you go through it, simply notice which words resonate with you. Different areas of life may call for different values. From there, gently ask yourself:
What is the smallest step I can take today to move in this direction?
Small, compassionate, values-based steps — taken consistently — often create the most meaningful and sustainable change